"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."

"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love,"REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."

"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme  song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses,"REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal,"REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You really look terrific in that outfit,"REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are,"REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

"This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck."

"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

See Also:
Male Language Patterns
A Riddle & Sore Loserman
Santa's List
Bush The Chad Winner
Top 10 Ways To Be The Funniest Guy In Your Office - Crude Humor
Application To Live In New Jersey
Electile Dysfunction - Crude Humor
The Top 15 Movies About the 2000 Election
The Gorinch
Is There A Santa?
Al Gore The Liar
Proverbs with a Smile
Clinton Jokes
How To Be Annoying
Matt's Exercise Program
Things You Never Hear At Work
Top 10 Problems With the Microsoft Home of the Future